Everyone is looking forward at 2016, and what it will have in store. But I would like to look back at 2015. I noticed that the media pontiffs who reviewed last year in December missed a few big headlines.
I have decided to reflect on the top however many – something or another – of the year. I did what any levelheaded, living-on-another-planet person would do in this day and age – I Googled “2015”.
The first link told me something I did not know: There were 365 days in 2015.
The second link was from Wikipedia. Strolling down the headlines, I found the following worth remembering:
January: Brutal winter in the North and North East. I always wondered why people live in Minnesota or North Dakota. After the first winter in 1976, early Americans should have given those states to Canada.
February: The ceasefire between Russia and the Ukraine was broken 139 times. If I were the guy on the front line, I would have given up a long time ago and shot myself.
March: Nasa’s Dawn probe enters orbit around Ceres, becoming the first aircraft to visit a dwarf planet. Ahhhhm, should it be a little planet?
April: The WHO, World health Organization, declares Rubella has been eradicated from the Americas.
May: Version O of Les Femmes d”Alger by Pablo Picasso sells for $179.3 million dollars. Do you write a check? Have them run your card?
June: Cuba becomes the first country in the world to eradicate mother-to-child transmission of HIV.
July: Nasa’s New Horizons flies by Pluto, the first time ever a spacecraft visits the distant world. Newscaster on Pluto: “There was a flying object sighting today, it’s probably the government. A spokesperson for the Plutogan declined to comment.”
August: It got so hot in Birmingham that my mind erased that whole month from memory.
September: The discovery of Homo Naledi, a previously unknown species of early humans in South Africa. Great, now I have to redo the family tree.
October: Hurricane Patricia becomes known as the most severe ever in the Western hemisphere with winds in excess of 200 miles per hour. I dated a Patricia once.
November: Climate Change Conference takes place in Paris. One of the decisions is to keep temperatures from rising more than two degrees, and to cut down on Carbon emissions. All the delegates drove to the meeting.
December: Jerry Seinfeld played Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. “Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome”.
Speaking of comedians, we have a hilarious one in Syria named Durraid Lahham. He did the Jeff Foxworthy thing, “you know you are a redneck if,” except it was: “You know you are an Arab if,” Here are a few:
You know you are an Arab if,
You are bald and blame it on stress.
You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian.
You think its cool to dance and smoke at the same time.
You gossip about your own family…with members of your own family.
You have 500,000 cousins.
After a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the dishes, while the men sit on their behinds and discuss politics and wait for their tea.
Your parents still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.
I hope 2015 was a good year for you. It was for me. I just hope 2016 is not very stressful.